Having a body-focused repetitive behaviour (BFRB) can be frustrating, making it tough to be kind to yourself and easy to fall into the cycle of being hard on yourself instead. There’s this idea that we should have the power to control our hands and teeth and the behaviours we do with them. It’s our bodies, after all. We should have better control of ourselves…right?

BFRBs are so much more than that simple notion of control or willpower. They’re disorders, and the way our brains are shaped and wired factors into it more than we have a say over. If it were a simple matter of self-discipline, there wouldn’t be millions of people struggling with these disorders.

November 13 is World Kindness Day. It was originally created to highlight good deeds in the community with a focus on positivity and how kindness binds us together. Since then, many use the day to show kindness to others and overall spread positivity. With this sort of event, it’s likely easy to think of how to express that kindness to others.

We encourage you to also take time to reflect on how you can be kind to yourself, too.

Being kind to yourself when you have a BFRB can be difficult because of the struggles that come with it and, to some degree, what stigma tells us we should feel. Maybe it’d help to start with thinking of how you might show kindness to others. Maybe it’s sending them a nice message, lending a hand in some way, lifting their spirits when they’re down, offering a smile to a stranger, or reminding those you care for of their value and what they mean in your life.

There’s no reason that can’t be translated to yourself. Some of these kindnesses might even look more like what you’d associate with self-care, and that’s okay too. Here are some ideas we thought of.

• Leave yourself nice messages. Whether it’s on your phone or a scrap of paper, this can be especially useful for areas where you might get down on yourself about your BFRB, such as in front of the mirror or thinking about your wardrobe. Instead of those negative thoughts, you can focus on the messages you’ve written beforehand.
• Do something you enjoy. A kindness to yourself can be taking time to do something you like to do or just taking time for yourself. It’s a good way to remind yourself that there’s more to you than your BFRB and reconnect with your interests beyond your struggles.
• Be gentle on yourself if you engage in the BFRB behaviour. BFRBs are disorders, not choices. Sometimes you’ll pick, pull, bite, or otherwise, and others you won’t. These do not detract from your value and don’t speak to who you are as a person.

There are so many ways to show kindness, and we absolutely should practice that every day we possibly can. This is as good a place to start as any with being kinder to ourselves, with or without a BFRB. It’s worth a shot.

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Stock photo from Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com